Aug. 17, 2019
Just got a new nest.
Old one blew away in a tornado.
Good thing my typewriter didnʼt break.
It just fell to the ground, and thatʼs where I am now, seeing as how itʼs too heavy for me to lift.
So I just made me a new nest, here on the ground. Canʼt just leave my typewriter here unguarded.
I think Iʼll be alright here.
My new home is beside a dumpster,
behind a convenience store.
Just me and my typewriter,
and my new nest. I found a piece of cardboard, leaned it at an angle for some shelter.
I plan on reporting regularly from this location. Iʼve named my new journal “Bird Droppings”. Not sure how often Iʼll be dropping lines, though. Gotta settle in to my new surroundings first.
bye for now, Bird
Aug. 17, 2019
Iʼve pecked so many cigarette butts off the parking lot,
my beak hurts. Piled them up in a corner of the dumpster.
Maybe I shouldʼve built my new nest in there, I donʼt know.
Seems safer in there. Safer than under my cardboard lean-to
here. My nest is getting damp. Humans keep coming back here and relieving themselves. I wish it would rain, that would make the pee smell go away. Maybe I shouldʼve made my new nest back up in the tree. But how would I keep an eye on my typewriter?
Someone just tossed a bag of chips and missed the dumpster. Theyʼre half-eaten, but enough for a late night snack.
I like living next to a convenience store.
Tried really hard not to poop on anybody,
when I lived in the big tree that shades the parking lot. I might have mites.
bye for now, Bird
Aug. 17, 2019
I went ahead and moved into the dumpster.
Some human saw my typewriter,
and came towards it like they wanted it.
I tried to scare the person away by loud screeching
and fervent wing flapping, but they picked it up anyway. I was happy to see the look on the humanʼs face when they saw how old and dilapidated the thing is.
The person just threw it over the dumpster wall.
It made a loud crashing sound that ruffled my feathers. I thought it had broken into pieces.
I flew into the dumpster and saw it had landed upside down, sort of to the side.
Iʼm typing this now in a very awkward position.
I canʼt lift the thing, like I said, itʼs way too heavy. So I just sort of wedged myself up under it.
My left foot is currently caught in the roller thing.
The dinger bell broke. The human didnʼt have to throw it so hard in here. The sound of that “ding” while I typed
was like a friend to me. Now all I can hear is the echoes
of the typewriter clicks sounding off the empty dumpster walls. It takes a while for this dumpster to fill up with trash.
Iʼll be sure and watch out, on trash day.
Thereʼs a dead mouse in here.
bye for now, Bird
Aug. 18, 2019
Iʼm sick. I think I caught something from the dead mouse in here. I tried to get it out of here but it smelled so bad,
I just left it. Still have that nasty taste in my beak.
My feathers are breaking out in hives and I have chills. My beak is dry and my feet are clammy.
Canʼt keep anything down.
Where are my friends? Havenʼt heard any chirps from them at all for a few days. Seems like Iʼm the only bird alive.
Earlier today, there were some humans dressed in these strange white plastic suits. Their heads were even covered and I couldnʼt even see their faces. They were going around picking things up off the ground, but I couldnʼt tell what the things were from here in the dumpster. I kept my distance because Iʼve never seen humans dressed like that before. It was a little bit scary. One of the humans mentioned “CDC”. What could this mean? Maybe it stands for Careful Doodoo Cleaning, because they were really focused on cleaning something up around here. I guess it was dog poo or something.
Iʼm just really wondering where all my friends are. Canʼt even hear the faintest tweets. And now Iʼm sick. Oh well, at least I can type.
This dead mouse really smells, but somehow it makes me feel not so alone. I wonder if living in this dumpster is going to work out alright?
bye for now, Bird
Aug. 18, 2019
Just woke up, not sure how long I was out. Mustʼve been sleeping really deep, because Iʼm covered in chili sauce and cold nacho cheese. Guess somebody from the convenience store cleaned out the hot dog making station. Thereʼs empty cans all over the place here in the dumpster and a few dirty diapers also. The nacho cheese is coated and congealed under my wings. But it tastes good. Been preening as I type this.
Still no signs of my friends. No bird sounds at all. Overheard someone in the parking lot mention “bird flew”. Maybe they saw my friends flying away. How did I miss this? Why was I not informed of a change in our migration schedule?
My feverʼs gone. Feeling better. Just hoping this dumpster doesnʼt fill up with too much trash when Iʼm sleeping. Not sure if I can get out from under it. But I must stay here with my trusty typewriter. It still works even though thereʼs chili sauce and cracker crumbs between the keys.
bye for now, Bird
Aug. 18, 2019
Well am I ever having a fun time! Someone threw a huge cardboard box into the dumpster a few minutes ago, it said “Acme Clown Noses, 2000 count”, I tore it open with my beak, and am now having the time of my life! Iʼm swimming in clown noses! Puffy and spongy, squishy and squeaky! Bright red, like the ripe berries on the parking lot hedges in the fall! Iʼve never been to a ball pit before! Now I have my very own!! Itʼs so much fun! Iʼm swimming in clown noses! I canʼt write any more, will drop another line later, this is too much fun!!
bye for now, Bird
Aug. 18, 2019
Well... that didnʼt last long. I think I just totally destroyed my home. It was an accident. I accidentally blew everything up. Nacho cheese, clown noses, dead mouse...
Itʼs because somebody tossed a lighter in here, and I wanted to see if it still worked. Dumpsters get dark at night, you know. All I did was light it once, then kaboom! Everything in here was on fire! I flew to the nearby tree (where I used to live) and watched the blazing inferno from a safe distance. The humans came and got the water hose thatʼs by the tire air thing, and just started hosing the dumpster down. They were yelling and saying lots of bad words. The billowing smoke was reddish, from all the clown noses I guess.
I was having so much fun in my new ball pit.
Not sure why everything blew up when I lit the lighter. The box the clown noses came in said in tiny print on the bottom - “Caution - Flammable”. I remember seeing that, but thought it was a misprint.
How can such fun balls of bouncy fun be flammable?
I watched the flames die down from the tree, then came back to the dumpster, and just sat on the ledge, looking down into it. Everything was solidified, melted together. Like bright red soup. The entire dumpster floor is covered in it. Itʼs hardened and shiny. The only thing that didnʼt melt in this inferno was my typewriter. In fact, the explosion actually turned it rightside up! Whatʼs more, the hardened sludge formed around the typewriter, sort of welding it in place. Iʼm actually quite happy
about this. Sorry for causing the dumpster explosion, and also sorry my fun ball pit is gone, but happy that I no longer have to worry about my typewriter being tossed out of here, on trash day. Itʼs stuck. And rightside up!
Typing is much more easier now! Although the floor is still a little hot, and slightly sticky, I think this new addition to my living quarters is just perfect!
Also, the bright red flooring is more cheerful than that old dirty metal floor underneath. Thereʼs bright yellow swirls throughout, from the nacho cheese, and bits of mouse fur here & there, but for the most part, Iʼm happy with my new carpet. And my typewriter, stuck really good! This just might turn out to be the best home for a bird in the whole wide world!
bye for now, Bird
Aug. 18, 2019
Tonight was interesting.
A human got into the dumpster, sat down in the corner, and just started crying. Iʼve seen humans look in this dumpster before, but they were looking for things to take, not actually climb in, and sit down.
The human didnʼt see me at first, and I didnʼt want to scare them, so I just stayed over here by my typewriter, really quiet. When they were crying, they kept saying, “why, I donʼt understand it” and “Iʼm sorry” and “what can I do”. I donʼt get the meaning of this sort of human speech, but it made me feel sad.
I decided to go over to the person, and cheer it. At first they were surprised to see me, so I hopped around a little and did some of my best chirps, thinking maybe it would help in some way. It did! The human laughed a bit, and wiped itʼs tears.
The person looked at me, and said, “hey there little bird, I know you canʼt understand me but...I donʼt have anyone else to talk to and I know you wonʼt tell anybody..Iʼm so done with everything...itʼs too hard, Iʼm tired...I keep messing up, I fail at everything, keep hurting people...” I gave them my best, most compassionate chirp, and hopped onto their knee. They pet my head and called me a “good bird”. I donʼt know about that, but I really liked spending time with that human.
They left the dumpster a little while ago, and walked away into the night. I sat up on the ledge, watching them until I couldnʼt see them anymore.
I hope they come back. I donʼt have much here, nothing, actually, just a typewriter, but if I manage to get anything else Iʼll have it ready to share. It would be nice to have a dumpster roommate.
bye for now, Bird
Aug. 19, 2019
Well...youʼre never going to believe this. A little while ago, I was sitting here at my typewriter, just staring into space, wondering whatʼs next, when all of a sudden I heard a loud whistling sound, like powerful wind, getting louder and louder. I looked up, and a huge orange fireball was hurling right towards me.
There was no time to move.
I thought this was it.
It came down so fast, then BOOM! ...landed right smack-dab in the middle of the dumpster. Itʼs partially embedded in the new red clown-nose flooring.
I think humans refer to these things as “meaty-alrights”.
Iʼve learned a lot just by listening to their conversations, in the parking lot. Sometimes the ones who wander around the premises carrying bottles of stuff to drink in brown paper bags get tired, and sit out front of the store, and talk to themselves, and look up at the night sky. If thereʼs a shooting star, theyʼll point to it, saying “hey did ya see that one?!”...even though thereʼs nobody else around. One human saw a big fireball like this one, and said, “that ainʼt no shooting star! Itʼs a meaty-alright!” I guess these things contain some kind of meat. Humans are smart. They teach me a lot.
The meaty-alright here in the dumpster is still letting off steam, and whistling faintly. I guess itʼs outer space food. Hey, if itʼs meat, count me in! Havenʼt had a good meal in a while.
bye for now,
Bird
News Report Aug. 19, 2019
A meteorite has fallen into orbit, after years of being observed by several Top-Notch scientists and Astro Enthusiasts.
The meteorite, dubbed “Dumpster Diver”, was located earlier today in a trash receptacle. The meteorite (DD) made a surprisingly light impact, after having been hailed as “the worst threat to the Earthʼs crust”, and “Earth Smasher” for years, by concerned scientists in-the-know.
“It was going to end life as we know it”, said Gale Axcee, a professor of astro-physiology. “We didnʼt want to alarm anyone, so the existence of meteorite DD has been kept under wraps. We just thought that would be best, seeing as how all of humanity would be wiped out, upon DDʼs impact. We are surprised to learn of the unexpected mild crash landing, in a dumpster.”
Investigations are underway to collect samples of the strange red “miracle substance” the meteorite landed on. Authorities suspect this “firm, yet tacky” material played a part in preventing meteorite DD from crashing further into the earthʼs crust, and exploding, causing mass fatalities everywhere.
The dumpster itself, still containing meteorite DD, is being brought to a secret laboratory for further analysis.
On a side note, the crash landing seemed to cause one fatality, that of a bird found laying beside it. Small pieces of space rock, ground to “birdseed size” were found inside the deceased birdʼs beak.
